FF #1: If I Didn't Know


I didn't know what was happening at the time. She was screaming, I was standing and our dog was eating. You think I'm being sexist because I said she was screaming, but I'm a woman too. The difference is... she's screaming louder.About how I'm not doing enough. What does "enough" even mean?

I work, I pay bills, I cook breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I also walk our dog and talk to her mother even when I don't want to. What more do I have to do to qualify as enough? So I ask her.

"Hey, Angela. Just answer me this one question: What do I, have to do to meet your measurement of doing 'enough?'" I had to add the air quotes. Had to.

"Come here," she said and curled her index suspiciously slow, motioning me to come closer. I held firm.

"Show me from here," I say. She storms over to the TV, swipes up the remote and changes the channel to the local news.  The newscaster says, Fifty-two people were killed today in a train accident that authorities say was preventable. The armed suspect planted two gas grenades on the train, went down to the third and used his assault rifle on the remaining passengers. We are going to Amanda Ramon who is at the scene now.

Black screen.

"I get it," I said and looked down at the ugly, burgundy carpet.

"I don't think you do," she said. "Even the news says it was preventable, like they knew you could've showed up and helped."

"They didn't say that!" My palms grew warm.

"No. But they should have.  It's not like they haven't seen you before... you want me to turn it back on so you can see what they say?" She took four steps closer.

"You're asking for it."

"You can do more."

"You're right. Expose myself to the world and get captured and experimented on in the process! Brilliant, Angela!" The walls of the room began to shake. "You could've prevented it and figured out what he was doing before he was going to do it!" The side table between us began disintegrating.

"You know I'm working on it--"

"So am I!" The table was powder now.

"I know you knew his plan. But you couldn't get up this morning." She turned on her heels to walk away, but I struck my hand out and pulled on her boots. She slammed, face forward onto the floor. As she clawed at the carpet to slow herself down, I smiled.

"Don't." I flipped her on her back. "Get." I rose her up into the air. "Inside." I tied her hair around her throat. "Inside my head AGAIN!" I listened for her chokes to strike farther and farther apart. When I felt there was one more left, I dropped her to the floor.

I walked over to her lying on her back. "I save who I want when I can. If you don't like it, then you go save them," I said.

I walked back to my gorgeous Beagle, Lola and petted her furiously. "Now who's a good girl?" Her tongue fell out of her mouth and I swore she smiled back.